The cost of adoption pales in comparison to the worth of my son. Half a world away my son is waiting for me. Sadly, this is not the first time he has waited; we were not his first choice. My son waited for those he loved to show up for far too long. I would not be surprised if in his heart of hearts he is still waiting and longing. The price he paid was his youth, his childhood, a price far greater then any child should have to pay. How can we take that back for him? How can we correct it? How can we be at the end of every football he throws and soccer ball he kicks? How can we be at the sidelines cheering him on? The truth is that there are no take backs. We will spend the rest of our lives showing this young man that we love him, that we care and that we will show up. If we have learned one thing through this process it is that words are empty!!! It’s like trying to explain the rainbow to someone who does not have their sight. Does our son have any reference point for love?
In 2 Corinthians 12:15 Paul states, “I will most gladly spend and be spent for your souls.” Adoption is a long road–a costly road. To love so strongly and to face that fact that one may possibly not be loved in return is difficult, scary, painful. And why would we do that? Why put ourselves through the hardship that is the adoption process? Because of James 1:27, “Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction,” and John 14:18, ““I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.” and 1 John 4:19, “We love because He first loved us.” Ultimately, it is because of the example of Jesus Christ that we even know how to love. He set the example as we see in Philippians 2:4-5, “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus,” and Romans 5:8, “But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners Christ died for us.” He laid down His life for us because He loves us to the point of death on the cross, a painful, agonizing death. I will be honest there are times of silence with my son and it really hurts! Silence does not feel good. There are days where it seems paperwork is coming out of my ears and the very next day it needs to be done again because a notary was done wrong or the date did not look correct. I would do it all again and again and again to get to him. I know we are not even to the half way point of our adoption, but I cannot tell you the feeling I feel when I hear his voice and he asks me when we are coming, or to hear him call us mom and dad. We are coming, and soon! It will never seem soon enough, because in my world, in my timing, I would have been there 10 years ago. I want to protect my son from feeling rejected, unworthy, unknown, and now he is almost a man but he is still my child, our child. It is I who feels unworthy to parent such an amazing child! It is sometimes I who feels rejected, but I know it’s not about me and I just want him to want to know us more. He has a father and mother that love him and want him home, but just as Christ paid our ransom their is a ransom to be paid. Adoption comes with a price tag, but you know what? During this time we have learned to lean into the Lord, to rest in Him and rely on Him alone, because while with us we look at this price tag and see an impossible hurdle, for our God nothing is impossible. Since God has ever been faithful, we know that He will continue to be faithful, and we believe that if He has brought us this far He will see us through to the end.
We would personally like to invite you to be part of this journey. There are many ways to support us during our adoption, but the first and foremost we ask is for prayer. Our greatest prayer and need is that our son would know the love of our Father in Heaven, who paid a ransom for our lives by giving us His only Son to lay down His life in place of ours. Our Father in Heaven who knew him from his mother’s inmost being, who saw him and created him and knew him and knows him, knows him better than anyone ever can. May we not grow weary in doing good and may God be glorified in this. May those who have partnered with us in bringing our child home also have the strength to endure because without them–you know who you are–we would not be where we are.
Lastly, we would like to invite you to our upcoming event November 7th from 6:00pm-8:00pm. “A Seat at the Table” will be a warm night full of music, borscht and updates! For those of you in dire need of a date night we are offering child care, or bring them along for the good time! We hope to see you there!